Ryan Dombal in a review over at Pitchfork gives the hollow and twee Coldplay a 6.5 out of 10 on those now famous P4rk rankings for the band’s new album, ‘Viva La Vida.’ He also has the balls to call them a rock band [his italics]. If Coldplay can seriously be called a rock band where does that leave rock?
Coldplay are nothing more than imposters, they are a pop band masquerading as a rock band. Even the band they would love to beat but mostly just parody, U2, are more of a pop band these days. Chris Martin is a pretentious cod-intellectual and I am beside myself with frustration that Brian Eno of all people would sign up to work alongside these talentless musicians. [Check out Eno's Wikipedia listing where it lists experimental rock, art rock, glam rock, electronic, ambient as his musical genres.]
I am extremely curious as to just how a band like this could pull the wool over the eyes of a Pitchfork reviewer? Is it the Eno connection that somehow validates this cheezy outfit? Does Pitchfork not want to rattle its big record label advertisers?
Coldplay have been called Radiohead-lite in the past. That phrase doesn’t do Radiohead justice. These two bands shouldn’t ever be mentioned in the same sentence. Radiohead is a true art project that brings us endless amounts of experimentation in its music, its videos and its performance. Thom Yorke’s worldview often appears to be that of the kid hiding under the bed as he attempts to confront the world and its daily trials and obligations. Radiohead are not a rock band just as Talking Heads were not a rock band. Both those bands were/are lead by charismatic individuals who think about the world and how we struggle with the idea of how we see ourselves living in it. Chris Martin meanwhile ponders London’s chattering classes at best and dreams up inane lyrics to make his audience feel more comfortable. Even Dombal acknowledges how in a poll the Brits voted Coldplay as “The Band Most Likely to Put You to Sleep.”
If Coldplay are a rock band then Smashing Pumpkins‘ Billy Corgan has been proven right when back in the 90’s he pronounced that “rock is dead.” Check out the dull and mundane track that Coldplay unleashed for free upon the world below.
Dave –
I just listened to a bit of Violet Hill and agree it is pretty bad stuff.
But why the big deal that this is not rock? I gave up on all these terms back when Robert Hilburn of the LAT was shoveling nonsense labels like, Power Pop, post-punk, New Wave, blah, lah, ah.
As to the partygoer’s question, “Where did all good songwriters go?” I’d tell them to listen to The National’s disk “Boxer.” Hard to miss with a chorus as humable as, “We’re half awake in a fake empire.” Good to ponder as garages full of us good Germans fill up with CO if the next election goes bad. No disrespect to RC, RO or EC intended, but I think there are plenty og good songwriters out there, they just don’t get played on the radio much.
Thanks
Rob
June 16th, 2008 at 12:54 pmNo big deal just an observation that Coldplay are a pop band not a rock band. I suppose those labels are redundant but as long as they are in use then I’m worried that people think that a four piece outfit like Coldplay that plays loud music must therefore be a “rock” band….rock as a term either needs to be redefined or dropped altogether……along with Post-Modern Rock…
June 16th, 2008 at 2:09 pmwow. that was pretty scathing. i mean, coldplay’s not quite as far outside the boundaries as your piece states, but maybe the term “rock band” is pushing it a little. i’ve always liked coldplay for what they are; an unapologetically mainstream band who generally makes tunes for people who only buy ten records a year. i think viva la vida is their best record by far, and although that’s really not saying much, i feel that perhaps it’s a better record than you think it is, although i completely understand and respect your opinion.
by the way, brian eno is the star of this record by a wide margin. his production is definitely the saving grace of the record, and it’s sort of noble for him to take such a maudlin band and art them up a little. plus, it’s an added bonus that one of the greatest producers of the past quarter-century gets to run to the bank for manning the boards for coldplay. i’m sure that, despite the decline in the major-label biz these days, eno got stupid-paid for producing the album.
June 16th, 2008 at 2:55 pmI don’t care what their music is called, I wretch at the first note, and have since the first time I heard them. If I stumble on a Coldplay song on the car radio, I scramble to hit any button to change the sound. The serious question, really: why do I have such a viscerally negative reaction? I’ve idly asked myself that. They didn’t do nuthin’ to me. There are other bands that create a similar allergy, but they top this decade’s list– with a bullet. Are they that transparent that it has an effect at the cellular level?
June 16th, 2008 at 5:55 pmWHOA! that verse melody is SO Phil Collins circa 1985. This can only mean one thing: Phil Collins is ROCK!
June 16th, 2008 at 6:16 pm@Douglas,
That’s probably the first time in the 2 1/2 years this blog has been around that I went a bit negative. That’s the restrained post, it coulda been worse…
June 16th, 2008 at 7:26 pmDave, you’re so full of shit.
June 16th, 2008 at 7:56 pmBTW, if you thought I was harsh….check out Buddyhead, here’s a hint, the title is Why does God Continue to Allow Coldplay or Rolling Stone to Exist.
June 16th, 2008 at 7:57 pm@Steve Blittren, but I have opinions and a forum and I don’t moderate comments like yours…
June 16th, 2008 at 9:44 pmDave…. quit sugar coating it… Tell us how you really feel!
June 16th, 2008 at 11:35 pmDear Dave, would you kindly explain to me what genre is Gang of Four album Mall?:P
“Money talks in the street” right:P?
Coldplay were utterly brilliant with Parachutes - Radiohead fulled yes but who cares? I want more bands like Radiohead - but then indeed slipped too much into mainstream loosing focus - ending with that abortion X&Y.
They are too big for their own good, that’s for sure.
But at least they released something, as you true geniuses split up:P Writing good music shouldn’t be this hard!
June 17th, 2008 at 1:19 am@deane- that is pure gold, man. you are one creative grump;)
@dave- I’ve heard ‘A Rush of Blood to the Head’ a few times and thought it was pretty decent. it’s a pleasant soft rock album with some good tunes and several suitable teenage make out moments. safe and digestible. isn’t that what corporate culture and modern rock radio is built on? oh. maybe that’s why you hate it so much…;)
June 17th, 2008 at 8:19 amColdplay–A Rush of Nonsense To The Radio
Eno’s greatest contribution to the staggering pile of mush that is Coldplay is that he excises that AWFUL WHINING. Eno is my hero because he knew that Coldplay wants to be as ubiquitous as McDonalds and will actually get there–but at least we don’t have to hear Chris Paltrow WHINING every other verse.
@Dave–me personally, I think we should place Coldplay in a steel cage with Death Cab For Cutie and let the survivors cut another record, but only marketed to children.
I know this pegs me as a hopeless anglophile, but I’ll use the term anyway:
COLDPLAY = CODSWALLOP
June 17th, 2008 at 8:30 am@j wall ‘goin AWOL’- WHOA! OK now. step away from the cuties. you cannot compare death cab and coldplay. this is an internet outrage!
June 17th, 2008 at 9:54 am@ dave: i totally understand. and in the year or so i’ve been reading this blog, this is indeed the first time i’ve read a negative opinion from you on a band. i sort of just wanted express that eno probably knew what he was doing when he decided to produce the record, and the record is much better than it would have been without his guidance.
@ wallace: amen about the whining, brother. but, admittedly, i like death cab. :*
June 17th, 2008 at 9:55 am@Ragel –Tee hee. Actually, I only know that ONE SONG by them…the one that everybody heard a million times. I liked it the first 5,000 times but on number 5,0001 and was ready to shoot myself. I should probably refrain from passing total judgement on a group based on the merits of one song. Heh.
Leave it to Ragel to be the voice of reason when there’s rabid foam flying everywhere. I’m voting for you for Pres in 08. Really.
June 17th, 2008 at 9:59 amColdplay shmoldplay I want Gang of Four back!:)
June 17th, 2008 at 1:34 pmDave, I couldn’t agree more…Coldplay are what they are, yet this is simply just another instance of the archaic Industry trying (and miserably failing) to package, label, and ‘work’ a band into a questionably marketable genre to people who don’t (or don’t care) to know any better. As long as things continue to change as they have over the past few years, then I think the Coldplay (and the trillion of bands like them) thing will “work itself out” :)
oh…and lets see more of these “scathing opinion” pieces…they do wonders for particaptory commenting! ;)
June 17th, 2008 at 4:52 pmDave: While I reserve the word ‘talentless’ for the John Mayers of the world, I agree with most of what you are saying. However, I’m amazed that everyone always namedrops U2 and Radiohead as Coldplay’s primary sleeve of influence. All I can hear is the ripped-off genius of Mark Burgess and Reg Smithies. But, when you think about it, should ‘Swamp Thing’ have lead off Radiohead’s ‘Ok, Computer’? Or, did it?
June 18th, 2008 at 6:52 amWell, I’m not sure I’d call it “rock,” but I like it. I’m not sure I’ll like it in two weeks, but right now I’ll be honest, put my reputation with The Moose at risk, and say that I do. Coldplay is still Catherine Wheel Jr. to me, but several of the songs on this record are quite good. And I’ve never liked them much in the past, save a similar two-week fascination with A Rush of Blood to the Head in 2004. I’m sure I’ll be quoting Dave soon enough, but this week, I wake up with “lost!” in my head every morning.
Oh, as much as I hate Rolling Stone, who perpetually prove their irrelevance by putting bands like The Eagles and Led Zepplin on their cover — in the twenty-first-fucking-century, Pitchfork is no better and no more relevant to me. “Rock” may or may not be dead, but music magazines certainly are.
June 19th, 2008 at 12:02 pmI haven’t had a chance to listen to the record yet. The only reason I was interested was Eno’s name slapped on the production credits. But a 6.5 of of 10 would be 65%… a solid “D” on a school assigment, so maybe p4rk was being harsh after all. I know, wishful thinking. It’ll sell a gigazillion copies on itunes, at starbucks registers, and be nodded for a grammy. The Paltrows will be ok financially for a few more years.
I agree… classifying Coldplay as a “rock” or “alternative” band is bunk, and i know an awful lot of people who call them that. It’s like calling the film “The Savages” an “independent film” (which i’ve heard a lot.) I’m sorry, but if you have three production crews in three different cities, two Academy-nodded leads, and your sound is mixed at Skywalker…. you are NOT an independent film. Oops, i’ve rabbit-trailed onto my own soapbox. And i’m dropping cliches like no tomorrow. Way to bring the quality down, erik.
June 19th, 2008 at 12:13 pm@roy… “catherine wheel, jr.”???? Brilliant.
June 19th, 2008 at 12:15 pm@Roy…awww c’mon…Caterine Wheel weren’t all that bad! :)
June 19th, 2008 at 6:39 pmI rather liked Coldplay’s 1st, back when Travis and their ilk were a nice change from “grunge”. But yes, they now certainly WANT to be U2 (have said so in print, too) - and THAT band is the most over-rated “where my povs at?” advert since - well, I don’t know who. As for Brian Eno - what HASN’T he done lately that’s been suspect? He’s got mortgage payments, I imagine. Still, he of all people should know better. When he shows interest in your band - RUN!!
June 19th, 2008 at 9:29 pmi don’t have much of an opinion on cold play but for some reason their latest apple commercial gives me chills every time i hear it. it must tickle my inner fanboy.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:25 pmAre we STILL talking about Coldplay? Heh. CAKPLAY.
@Erik—I must confess that I too was lured by the name Eno. I will proudly say that I did NOT listen to the Eno-produced Paul Simon album though. Gotta draw the line SOMEWHERE.
June 20th, 2008 at 4:55 am@Nick — Oh, I liked Catherine Wheel too — for about two weeks.
[I'm not finished with you here, Dave. More on all of this soonly.]
June 20th, 2008 at 6:34 am@the intl—Eno is BRILLIANT from a moneymaking standpoint—ever notice that on most of the records he gets his vocals on there? You can hear him singing in the background of many a U2 track, he was the unofficial “5th Beatle” of the Talking Heads, and I could SWEAR I head him singing backup on the first DEVO record. It amuses me no end to think of Eno chewing the scenery with the brothers Mothesbaugh and Casale.
He arranges, sings, suggests song alterations, composes entire passages or even entire songs (Low, anyone?)It’s easy to get a couple of extra coins out of a recording project when you can get your name in the publishing deal as a co-songwriter (Bowie, U2) or arranger or composer, mechanic, autopsy technician, whatever….Eno plays the music game like a virtuoso.
June 20th, 2008 at 1:09 pm@J.Wall: autopsy technician! heh heh. I didn’t know Eno produced spinal tap.
June 20th, 2008 at 1:15 pm[...] Rolling Stone calls Chris Martin “a Rock God.” Spin calls this record “A Rock Odyssey.” Pitchfork calls Coldplay “a rock band.” This is part of what Dave finds issue with. [...]
June 21st, 2008 at 8:35 amOkay, here.
Roy Christopher has spoken.
June 21st, 2008 at 8:48 am@Roy,
Nicely put. I think the term ‘rock’ has to be revisited. The term ‘rock’ should be reserved for what it was originally meant to describe - music known as rock and roll and the sexual connotation that went with it. Chuck Berry had more charisma in his little finger than Mr Paltrow and he rocked. Jerry Lewis rocked, Led Zeppelin rocked etc etc. Coldplay are a sexless band that are far from rock and roll.
As for Rolling Stone, all I can say is well said, Roy.
Read Roy’s Coldplay article here.
June 21st, 2008 at 9:02 amBill O’Reilly joins the fray, calls Chris Martin a pinhead!
June 22nd, 2008 at 1:02 pmOK, now I take it ALL BACK. I could never voluntarily agree with Bill O’Reilly about ANYTHING. Chris Martin, all is forgiven if you do the following penance:
1. Recite five “Off to never-neverlands” in a cookie monster voice, and 10 “Shake your groove thang, yeah-yeahs” in falsetto.
2. Star in a film with your doppleganger, Glenn “Once” Hansard about a two bearded, “sensitive” men who decide to form a death metal band.
3. Eat 98 curries. In a row. Or alternately, 5 bags of Allsorts washed down by a case of Real Ale. (hey, let the punishment fit the crime!)
To blatantly steal from Roy Christopher…
I Have Spoken.
(My favorite R.C.-ism to date. Imitation is the sincerest…………….)
June 22nd, 2008 at 6:45 pm[...] rant about my massive dislike of Coldplay caused quite a stir here at the Moose. I thought I’d repost the maudlin ‘Violet [...]
June 24th, 2008 at 1:03 pmright on mark mate. Radiohead should not be in the same sentence with.
Coldplay
June 25th, 2008 at 12:45 pmNo its fucking alternative no shit it doesnt sound like rock cuz its alternative Panic at the Disco’s last album isn’t what most people would call rock they just have a different sound dont hate on them cuz there album Viva La Vida sold more than 720,000 in one week it was the biggest album of the year so far
June 26th, 2008 at 6:22 am@Coldplay Fan–hahahahahahaha. Is this Roy Christopher in disguise? You made me laugh so hard I dropped the soap. You are a very funny man.
June 26th, 2008 at 8:03 ami think i like coldplay because they don’t resonate on the long tail where we discover so much great music. yes, they are easy targets, but i generally like the sound. if i’m not in the mood to discover something new, a band like this is nice to have in the background. its not love. its like.
June 26th, 2008 at 11:44 pmJosh–you mean like the difference between putting on a new album by Eno vs. putting on an old album by Eno? That sort of like vs. love?
–sorry, couldn’t resist.
June 27th, 2008 at 8:11 am@ coldplay fan. Nobody’s “hating” them because they sold 720,000 records… and “alternative” is as problematic as a label as “rock.”
I really hope that was R.C breaking out the groucho specs, or i’ve just fed a troll.
June 27th, 2008 at 2:45 pmcoldplay are not rock
so what
get over yourself
i am so fucking sick of these musicologists spewing out this rot on their blogs
turn off your computer and write a song yourself fwit
June 28th, 2008 at 6:18 pm@Jon,
Thanks for tips Jon but 1. with many songs under my belt with Gang of Four, Shriekback etc I don’t really need to write many more and 2. rather people who complain about what they see on TV and we might say, well turn it off then I offer you the same tactic….if you don’t like it, don’t read my blog.
June 29th, 2008 at 5:05 pm@Dave—the Internet’s top minds believe you DO need to write many more songs. Don’t you have a massive, Prince-sized cache of unreleased material lurking about somewhere? Come on, now–where’s the extended 45-minute long remix of Nemesis feat. Moroder and the Brothers Mael?
That’s Prince-sized as in, the amount of music, not as in how tall he isn’t.
Heh.
Here’s an idea–the P-Moose School of Rock. Just how high does that mic have to be over the drum kit before you like it? Sound qualities of large diaphragm condenser versus ribbon….Why nearfields are only the first test of your mix, etc. You could serialize it and run it as a public service, one tip at a time. Actually what I’d love to see is video podcasts on this sort of thing ;-)
Why, yes–that IS a can of worms there. Did I just open that?
June 29th, 2008 at 8:05 pmHahaha! I immediately thought of the thread here when I saw the following article this morning…too funny, ironic, and a case in point: The songs they didn’t write - whatisfairuse.blogspot.com/2008/06/is-coldplay-original.html
July 1st, 2008 at 10:22 am[...] for independent music. I may occasionally get cranky about this particular chunk of the long tail [see Coldplay rant] but my overall mood is positive about the future of independent artists and musicians, hopefully [...]
July 4th, 2008 at 4:21 pmDude.
“Coldplay are nothing more than imposters, they are a pop band masquerading as a rock band. Even the band they would love to beat but mostly just parody, U2, are more of a pop band these days. Chris Martin is a pretentious cod-intellectual and I am beside myself with frustration that Brian Eno of all people would sign up to work alongside these talentless musicians.”
that was the worst thing i have ever heard. some people make snide remarks but that right there is down right shameful.
November 5th, 2008 at 9:36 pmyou disgust me you fucking cur
go rape your grandma and stop dissing people who make more in a month than you will ever make in your life
their talent in music contrasted to your talent is writing i can say they are above you in talent. so if they are talentless then you shouldnt even be writing here.
go to hell bitch
that said.
November 5th, 2008 at 9:41 pmcoldplay may not be “rock”
but their music is way better than the Beatles (which by the way were not the most famous band in the world, look up the real stats retard)
so just because they put “rock” and are not, they make the most unique(in a GOOD way) music than anyone else. although today “good” music is that fucking sorry excuse for music:miley cyrus and jonas brothers. not to mention rap and hip hop shit.
Dylan,
Thanks, about Coldplay you have an opinion, I have an opinion…about the Beatles, well you’re on your own there buddy..
Yours, the cur and retard.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:25 pmOh and, bitch, I almost forgot.
November 5th, 2008 at 10:26 pmDamn….the vitriol directed against those who don’t want to insert their heads completely up the Coldplay poop chute is STAGGERING. If the same energy were directed towards something CONSTRUCTIVE maybe we’d have fusion power as an alternative energy source by now.
Coldplay..YAWN. They were groan-inducing way back when they were stealing riffs from Kraftwerk.
November 6th, 2008 at 5:17 pminstead of following this thread i’ve decided to make a vegemite sandwich.
November 7th, 2008 at 2:11 am@Josh K–do you come from a land down under?
Sorry, I just HAD to.
November 7th, 2008 at 6:17 amThe song ‘Viva la Vida’ is great, with lots of Eno touches abound on it–especially the first snyth sounding bridge in the song, which sounds fantastic. But the rest of the album…bleh. One good song among a bunch of crap (okay, maybe two good songs: the first song, which was probably completely written by Eno, is kind of catchy, but not fully realized–sort of half-baked).
November 13th, 2008 at 1:16 am