pampelmoose Dave Allen of Gang of Four’s Music and Media Blog — music . media . web. culture

This is the Cexman, aka Rjyan, former inventor of the laptop, currently the goatman
that lives in a lemon orchard and convinces you to change lives with him when you
least expect it.

I’m sorry if I’ve seemed a little distant lately, but I’ve been spending a hell of a
lot of time exploring the collective unconscious, searching for answers about this
strange plague of malaise that has fallen over our people as of late. There’s
little doubt in my mind at this point that some sinister cadre of soulless nerds are
attempting to harness the ancient, pre-verbal language called MUSIC for nefarious,
materialistic ends. Combining the mysterious and unstable power of music with their
corrupting element called CONVENIENCE, these shadowy nerds think they can turn human
beings into zombies with only two feelings, both just barely removed from NUMB.
These two states are a deep, cavernous longing to buy something new, and a very
temporary state of euphoria achieved only after buying something new.

Luckily, these nerds are under the belief that the laws and methodology of SCIENCE
are sufficient to control this ancient force called MUSIC. As long as they believe
that a good business sense has anything to do with creating music, they will have
limited success in subjugating the sacred art of sound. However, one must still be
wary of the abominations created by their unholy experiments with CONVENIENCE, as
even limited exposure can bum you out hard for anywhere from 1-100 days.

If you think you may have been poisoned by contact with strangely-unsatisfying new
music, I recommend limiting your intake of music on digital formats, which is the
foul nerds’ preferred method of contaminating the populace, and steering clear of
any artist connected to social networking sites where high-school kids post sexy
digital photos of themselves.

Additionally, at the reliquary located at MUSTFINISH.COM, my partner Roby and I are
providing extra-trippy cassettes for those in need of a powerful antidote. At this
site you will find a selection of exquisitely handcrafted beats, made from only
natural ingredients in our own home.

In the meantime, I’ll be in the sewers, the power plants, the oil fields, and every
other place intrinsic to your way of life but that you never actually see. And I’ll
be there with a ridicuously-oversized sword, defending man’s humanity from the
shadow nerds and their boring-ass vision of the future.